Smilow Wellness Workshop: Can I Grow through Difficult Experience like this Pandemic?

February 28, 2022

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February

Dr. Kristine Olson, YNHH Chief Wellness Officer, and YNHH Director of Spiritual Care, Kendall Palladino, share ways to foster post-traumatic growth despite illness, grief, the pandemic, and being a caregiver.

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00:19I'm just gonna wait a minute to see.
00:22Looks like more people are.
00:24Logging into our zoom so.
00:27Hang tight for a moment.
00:29We will start. In just a moment.
00:47OK, let's begin and good
00:50afternoon and welcome everyone.
00:51My name is Bud Wasil.
00:54And I am the moderator for today's session.
00:57We're very happy you could join us
00:59for this informative presentation
01:01on can I grow through difficult
01:04experiences like this pandemic?
01:06With Doctor Christine Olson,
01:08Chief Wellness officer at Yale,
01:10New Haven Hospital.
01:12And Kendall Palladino,
01:14director of pastoral care at Yale,
01:16New Haven Hospital.
01:17So on behalf of the Smilow
01:19Wellness Workshop Committee,
01:21we welcome you both our presenters and
01:24very much looking forward to to your talk.
01:27And of course,
01:28welcome to our audience.
01:29We very much appreciate you being
01:31here today and hope you are well.
01:33Just a quick word too,
01:35about Smilow Wellness workshops.
01:37We offer these periodically to patients,
01:41their family volunteers,
01:43and staff with the mission of
01:46empowering individuals to take control
01:48of their own health and Wellness.
01:50The program features free
01:52interactive workshops.
01:53For now on zoom we do about
01:55three or four per year that
01:57reaffirm the importance of caring
01:59for the person as a whole.
02:01Body, mind and spirit.
02:03Designed to complement traditional
02:05lectures and health talks,
02:07each workshop focuses on Wellness.
02:10The committee who plans and conducts these
02:13workshops consists of diesel Boxleitner,
02:15Nicole Larissa, Denise Romano,
02:18Danielle Sagnella,
02:19Beverly Block and myself.
02:21And I would also like to recognize
02:23and thank Mark Casey from our
02:26audiovisual department who helps
02:28us with the technological side.
02:30So let us know if you have any
02:32suggestions for future topics.
02:33We're always looking for good ideas and
02:36remember to complete the evaluations
02:38that we're going to give at the end,
02:41so we really value your feedback.
02:44One other housekeeping note,
02:46we do ask that you use the
02:48question and answer feature
02:50throughout the presentation.
02:52I will be keeping an eye on that and
02:56imposing those questions and there
02:58will be an opportunity for you to
03:00share a little bit midway through.
03:04So let me introduce our speakers.
03:06Doctor Christine Olson,
03:07MD and Masters of Science,
03:10is a native Minnesotan graduate of the
03:13University of Minnesota Medical School.
03:16She's a returned peace core volunteer
03:19experienced in international
03:20health in post conflict zones.
03:23In conflict zone,
03:24she met her first role models of
03:27resilience and began studying the
03:29science of thriving and the systems that
03:32support it or detract detract from it.
03:34Doctor Christine Nelson came to
03:36Yale New Haven Hospital to train in
03:39internal medicine and Pediatrics,
03:41followed by a fellowship in health services,
03:43research and epidemiology at
03:46Weill Cornell Medical College.
03:48As a fellow,
03:50she studied how health policies and
03:52health system affect professional well
03:55being and how professional well being
03:57is an indicator of organizational
03:59performance in providing reliable
04:02access to cost effective, high quality.
04:05Patient centered care.
04:07She is nationally recognized for
04:09her work and combating burnout.
04:11In fostering joy in medicine.
04:14Doctor Olson was named Chief
04:16Wellness officer at Yale,
04:17New Haven Hospital in 2020,
04:19and she is committed to creating
04:22systems that allow those in it to
04:24flourish while in service to others.
04:29Kendall palladino.
04:31Was motivated to enter the field of
04:34spiritual care after having worked
04:36for Saint Teresa in Calcutta, India.
04:40Kendall is currently our Director of
04:42Spiritual Care or Pastoral Care at Yale.
04:45New Haven hospital. Uhm?
04:48He was encouraged by Mother Teresa
04:53in 1994 to consider the physical,
04:56spiritual, and emotional poverty
04:58that exists in the United States
05:01before returning to work at a leprosy
05:04hospital in southern Thailand.
05:06As a result,
05:07Kendall enrolled in clinical
05:09pastoral education and found a
05:11deep and abiding love for the
05:12mission of spiritual care.
05:16Kendall became interested in post
05:19traumatic growth when he noticed
05:21significant growth in outcomes data
05:23in grieving adult and children at
05:26the Healing Heart Center in Danbury,
05:28CT between 2000 and 2010,
05:31and in order to fully more to
05:35understand more fully what was
05:37happening in these people.
05:38He earned a doctorate in 2012 at
05:41the Princeton Theological Seminary
05:43with a dissertation on the subject
05:45of post traumatic growth.
05:47And loss.
05:48Clients who were impacted by major
05:51traumatic events like September 11th
05:54in the Sandy Hook school shootings,
05:56as well as more specific individual
05:59losses from long term illness,
06:01suicide car accidents and other
06:04causes were showing dramatic and
06:07unexpected growth in their lives.
06:10He is currently the director
06:11of spiritual care for you only
06:12have an hospital as I mentioned,
06:13and a board certified Chaplain,
06:16chaplain, educator.
06:17So I think you agree we couldn't find
06:21anyone more qualified than Kendall,
06:24Chaplain Palladino,
06:26and Christine doctor Christine Olson.
06:29I think of them as our special case,
06:32and we're very,
06:33very lucky to have them here at Yale,
06:35New Haven Hospital,
06:36and just on a side note,
06:38as a person would say,
06:40worked with Doctor Olson,
06:42and Chaplain Palladino.
06:44Several projects over the course of the
06:47pact to enhance our employees well being.
06:50And they are both amazing,
06:54caring, energetic,
06:55creative and dedicated professionals.
06:58So we're very,
06:59very lucky to have them talk to us today.
07:02So thank you for joining us at this point.
07:04I will turn it over to Doctor
07:06Olson and Chaplain Palladino.
07:12Thank you buddy, I really appreciate that.
07:16Yesterday, the New York Times published
07:19an article by Doctor Senita Khoury
07:24entitled We must Learn to look at
07:27grief even though we want to run away.
07:30I recommended it to you because it
07:33discussed post traumatic growth
07:35through this pandemic through illness,
07:38grief caregiver hurdles only,
07:40embracing our human potential for
07:43post traumatic growth by honest
07:46reflection on our real lived
07:49experiences with others will suffice.
07:52No titles, no education, no experience,
07:56no positive ITI or any other
07:59external factor can help us grow.
08:02We gather here together as people
08:05facing the human experience of illness,
08:08grief, caregiver hurdles,
08:10and the COVID-19 pandemic.
08:12And first of all,
08:15we want you Doctor Olson and I want you to
08:18bring your humanity to this conversation.
08:21It's the only thing that will
08:24really carry the conversation
08:26and the discussion forward.
08:28One thing we wanted to do is
08:30invite you in the Q&A feature as I
08:33continue to open up this dialogue
08:36and this discussion is to write in
08:40why you have chosen to join us.
08:44People may be coming from different places,
08:46so right into the Q&A feature and
08:50Bud Whistle will look at that
08:53and he will help guide us.
08:57You might put something in the chat.
08:59Like examples,
09:00I face illness and want to
09:02understand how I might grow or I'm
09:05exhausted by the pandemic and want
09:08to understand what that means,
09:10or I'm I'm grieving my loss of
09:13health and normalcy and I I don't
09:15know what's going to come next.
09:17Those kinds of questions,
09:18whatever it is that you bring,
09:19put it in the Q&A and and we'll
09:22be able to get a sense for where
09:25people are coming from.
09:27So we were talking about
09:29something more than resiliency.
09:31Here,
09:31resiliency is described as bouncing back,
09:36while resiliency is important.
09:38It is not the subject of
09:40our conversation today.
09:42What we are talking about.
09:45Is how by honestly looking at our experience.
09:50There is potential for growth.
09:52Imagine 3 balls in your mind.
09:56First imagine a basketball.
10:00When you bounce a basketball,
10:02it bounces right back into your hands.
10:07That might be a description of what
10:10resiliency is like when you go down,
10:13you come right back up to
10:15where you were before.
10:17Second, I want you to imagine a bowling ball.
10:22When you put a bowling
10:24ball down on the floor,
10:25it doesn't bounce back.
10:28And this may be an example,
10:31at least for a time of post traumatic stress.
10:36We're not talking about post
10:38traumatic stress so much today.
10:40What we are talking about is post
10:43traumatic growth and I want you to
10:46imagine in your mind's eye for a moment,
10:48one of those rubber bouncy balls.
10:51You know that kids play with and
10:53you take the bouncy ball and
10:55you throw it down and it bounces
10:57higher up above your head.
10:59That is what we are talking about
11:03today with post traumatic growth.
11:06We want to understand your
11:09motivations so you know,
11:11please. I hope you've added some of your
11:14reasons for being here, and I don't know.
11:17But if there's anything in the Q&A
11:19that we can share at this point.
11:22Yes, there is Kendall. We've got a
11:27number of excellent sharing's here.
11:32Just to give you a sampling of some divorce.
11:36Chaplains who help patients and
11:38families and deal with deal with
11:40difficult daily experiences.
11:42Grief, death, burnout.
11:46Tired of being on high alert mode?
11:49I need to get back to having
11:51hope and living in peace.
11:55I can go through all these,
11:56but not sure if you wanted to respond,
11:58but here's here's an interesting
12:00one I'm joining due to several
12:03traumatic and difficult events
12:05over the last couple of years.
12:07My own traumatic experience as a patient.
12:14With the birth of my daughter
12:15resulting in both of us in ICU stays
12:19the pandemic during the pandemic.
12:22Dealing with serious safety events.
12:24Death of an art hasn't.
12:27And death as an RN long like chronic illness.
12:31So number of. Pretty serious traumatic.
12:35Experience. Is there a nurse
12:38providing care 8 to 10 hours daily?
12:40Emotionally exhausted,
12:42compassion deleted.
12:43Loss a number of losses
12:45in the last few years.
12:48Like to help staff navigate post
12:51pandemic challenges and life changes
12:53and how to make them feel better and
12:56not feel these changes as all negative.
12:59Pandemic is here to stay so we
13:01better thrive during our journey.
13:03A couple more. I know this is a lot,
13:06but I want to get this all out there.
13:08I want to be able to help patients
13:10and family members who are
13:12struggling and emotionally.
13:13I love that description that says post
13:16traumatic growth versus stress and
13:19then finally I'm joining after having
13:22survived stage four tongue cancer.
13:24Seeking insight on how to recapture
13:28myself again.
13:29So that's the range of what we've got so far.
13:34Thank
13:34you very much, but that's that's very
13:37helpful now. Doctor Olsson, thank you.
13:42Could you advance the slide one please?
13:47Thank you so we we hear from the reasons
13:50that we have gathered here today that
13:53we've come for many different reasons.
13:56The pandemic has opened up has been
13:59a collective type of X traumatic
14:02experience that we've had together,
14:04which opens up the conversation.
14:06But you can see from the comments
14:09that people we are experiencing
14:12in the people in our lives in
14:15our Community are experiencing.
14:17Very difficult times.
14:19Traumas of their own throughout the pandemic,
14:23before the pandemic.
14:24And now that's just added to it that
14:27we have the pandemic and people who
14:30may have recovered from previous
14:31experiences in their lives that
14:33were traumatic for them may have
14:35learned things from their experience
14:37in the past that they also bring
14:40to this space as we here have this
14:43collective wisdom as we come together
14:45to think about how do we move.
14:48Through this and what kind of frameworks
14:51might help us to move through this
14:54more easily so we did explore this in
14:57both that individuals and organizations
14:59can use these types of frameworks to
15:03grow and learn through this experience.
15:06Today we're going to concentrate on us as
15:09individuals collecting here to move through,
15:11and how we might think about
15:14post traumatic growth.
15:16So here we have a health care worker holding
15:19up the world in this mural and post.
15:23Traumatic growth is a was described
15:26by two psychologist Dr.
15:28Tedeschi and Calhoun and they
15:31are people who've observed us.
15:33As we live our lives and some of the
15:36things that people did experience
15:38where they were able to not only come
15:41back but to grow through these times,
15:44things that we would not wish upon
15:46ourselves or wish upon other people.
15:48But through which they have gone
15:51through and it's we experience,
15:53post traumatic growth,
15:54not despite the troubles and the and
15:57the trials and tribulations in life.
15:59But because of them.
16:00And we're going to talk a little
16:02bit about how we struggle with
16:04those trials and tribulations.
16:06And it can be our teacher, and we can grow.
16:10So if we could advance one more slide.
16:15So many of you may have seen this
16:17as we've talked about the pandemic.
16:19You can see where we start pre disaster
16:22at a certain emotional level and we may
16:26have started perhaps stress to begin with.
16:30Or anyway was our status
16:32quo and when something?
16:35Disrupts our life so profoundly
16:38that we call it traumatic.
16:41And especially with the pandemic and
16:43and some things we've gone through,
16:45especially if it threatens.
16:48If we've been exposed to or
16:50threatened our own life or the OR the
16:52lives of others or those we love,
16:54those we've experienced that
16:56can really shake us up,
16:57and we may at first our adrenaline
17:01kicks in and we rise to the occasion.
17:03But then we can sometimes feel when
17:06everything is shifted around us,
17:08that the rugs been pulled out from
17:10underneath us and our worldview
17:13has been shattered.
17:14Maybe it has really affected
17:16how we feel about our
17:17identity or our security.
17:19Or the way the world works.
17:21Somehow we might find
17:23ourselves kind of free falling,
17:25and we may be down where you see the
17:28low parts of the emotional curve there.
17:31We may find ourselves there
17:33first before we can even think
17:35about moving on to anything else,
17:38or what we might learn from it.
17:40And that may be a time of grief.
17:42We made bury.
17:44We may be grieving and the word bereavement
17:47means if you look up in the dictionary,
17:50it means to be.
17:52Deprived of or robbed or Caesar taken
17:55away something that was very dear to you,
17:58someone or something that
17:59was very dear to you.
18:00That sense of your future has been
18:02robbed from you as you thought it was
18:05going to be what you thought your
18:06life was going to be may have changed.
18:08So it's a time where we are.
18:12Coming to terms with that,
18:14and it's important to honor that and
18:17this the there's a term now that
18:19people are talking about toxic positivity.
18:21We are not trying to.
18:24Move through something that you
18:26first have to honor the loss and
18:28the grief that you have.
18:30And one thing you want to do
18:32while you are honoring that and
18:35experiencing that grief,
18:36is to recognize when you are then
18:40moving into adaptive coping,
18:42perhaps reaching out of thinking.
18:44Who can help me through this?
18:45Who can support me?
18:47Who might understand what I've
18:49been through and who can show me
18:51some of the ways that they've grown
18:53and learn or rolled modeled?
18:55Versus maladaptive coping,
18:56where you might find yourself numbing
18:59or avoiding or cutting yourself
19:02off from people and shutting yourself down.
19:05And then as we as we think about.
19:08What do we do now with these feelings
19:11that we have as we're ruminating
19:13and thinking over what is the world
19:16now as we think about that,
19:19we'll move into how that choice of
19:21how we think about that can help us
19:25move into. Post traumatic growth.
19:27If we could just go to the next slide here.
19:33So when we think about the pandemic,
19:36we didn't have any way around it.
19:38There was no shortcuts.
19:39You couldn't go over it under it round it.
19:43We had to go through it.
19:44There wasn't really any other way to
19:47avoid it as a healthcare community.
19:51And same with some of the things
19:53that we faced in our lives,
19:54we never would have wished it
19:56upon ourselves or other people.
19:57But we had to move through it.
20:00And then this creates a lot of tension.
20:03And a lot of stress.
20:05And then the question is who's driving
20:08is the stress driving you where that
20:11kind of searching for that ground?
20:14Again?
20:14Searching for the answers where
20:16you are looking for is it
20:19driving you to withdraw to numb,
20:21to move away from it, not face it?
20:24Or are you driving it?
20:26Is it trying to tell you something
20:29where it might point you to the answers
20:32and point you to the way through?
20:34Can it be a teacher if it's
20:37not too overwhelming?
20:38If it is overwhelming, you might need a.
20:42Someone to go through that with you.
20:44That's where you're looking
20:45for those trust individuals,
20:46even a health care professional who
20:49can help you move through that if it's
20:52if it's very overwhelmed to do alone.
20:56And then we will go to the construct
20:59of what Tedashii and Calhoun found.
21:03So today she and Calhoun found that
21:06some people who were going through
21:10traumatic experiences and moving
21:12through this stress as they tried to
21:15reorder things and try to find a new
21:17narrative trying to find a new way forward.
21:20They found some themes that these people
21:23were experiencing and that they were open.
21:27To one is they.
21:28Many of these people who experience
21:30post traumatic growth had a greater
21:33appreciation of life because of
21:35what they had gone through there.
21:37Experiencing a greater clarity about things.
21:41They were open to new possibilities
21:43of what the future may hold as they
21:47transformed the trials to triumph,
21:50and they found that there were
21:53deeper relationships that they
21:54discovered that they had to rely on.
21:57People and people were there for them.
21:59Or there were people who'd been through
22:01things like they'd gone through and
22:03that they were able to find those.
22:06Alliances that comfort that support
22:09by being open and a bit vulnerable
22:12to those they could reach out to.
22:15They found that they had a greater
22:17sense of strength that it seemed
22:19like something so insurmountable
22:21that they were never going to get
22:23through it or find a way forward.
22:26When when it first,
22:27when they were first faced with this and
22:30then they found new and creative ways to.
22:34To be and they discovered us a well
22:36of strength within themselves that
22:38they didn't know that they had,
22:40which was remarkable,
22:42and some have experienced a
22:46spiritual deepening,
22:47not necessarily in the religious sense,
22:50but in the sense of a transformational
22:52meaning of what a deepening of
22:54what was clear and true for them,
22:56what their values were, and what it
22:59meant to be almost transcendent beyond.
23:03The self and what they were going through,
23:06so these were some of the the
23:10experiences that people who experience
23:13post traumatic growth did demonstrate.
23:16Now it. It's suggested that maybe
23:19if we were aware of these domains
23:22that it would be possible that more
23:25people could experience them if
23:28we were awake to the possibility.
23:30So that's yet to be seen and
23:33we will learn as a community.
23:35And I'm going to now turn it over
23:37to Chaplain Palladino.
23:38Who can help us with moving through grief?
23:45Thank you Doctor Wilson.
23:49So I'd like to talk a little bit
23:51about grief and post traumatic growth.
23:54Partly what grief is and what
23:56it isn't and what we're talking
23:59about specifically with grief.
24:01You know when we have a loss,
24:04whether it's the loss of security.
24:07The loss of health.
24:09The loss of a loved one.
24:12Whatever it may be, we have a reaction
24:14and that reaction is holistic.
24:17It's not only emotional,
24:18but it is that it's not only spiritual,
24:21but it is that it's social.
24:22Also, financial, physical, mental.
24:25It's our complete response to a loss.
24:30And grief hits people in waves.
24:33It's cyclical, more than stage,
24:35like a lot of times the early
24:38education on grief was confused and and
24:42talked about it in terms of stages,
24:44as if there was a beginning and an end.
24:47But grief is more cyclical and
24:50hits us in waves,
24:51and we alternate between
24:54a sense of reconstruction.
24:56And loss, so we're feeling more.
24:59The emptiness of the loss at sometimes
25:02and other times we're feeling more.
25:04A sense of reconstruction or change,
25:07and it alternates between those two things.
25:10Grief is supposed to change and improve,
25:13but it may not end unless we can get back
25:17that person or that thing that we've lost.
25:20For example,
25:21the security of knowing that I'm
25:24healthy or having no pandemic at all,
25:28unless we can get those
25:30things back altogether,
25:31we will continue to have some reaction,
25:35some holistic response to the loss.
25:39But it does improve and change overtime,
25:43so it doesn't mean that we're in
25:46the midst and throes of active grief
25:49and very early grief all the time,
25:52but it does continue.
25:54Grief is very personal and
25:57specific to each of us.
26:00The loss.
26:01And the relationship we had to that
26:05thing to that person who we've
26:07lost is going to be very different,
26:10as different as any relationship is.
26:14So in a family,
26:15if somebody loses a father and
26:17another sibling loses a father,
26:20that loss is going to look different.
26:23They're both in the same family and
26:25it's they both the same person,
26:26but the relationship was different
26:28and the loss will be the size of the
26:31relationship you have to that person,
26:34or that thing that you've lost.
26:38In grief,
26:39most people benefit from feeling cared for,
26:43loved and supported.
26:45And in grief,
26:47that's a normal natural human
26:49response to loss,
26:50and most people do not need
26:53therapy or counseling.
26:54It's a normal reaction human reaction.
26:58Some people do benefit from
27:01groups and others don't.
27:03Only a very small number, who grieve,
27:06require professional therapy,
27:08new meaning and purpose and
27:10nurturing fond memories of
27:12what we lost are important.
27:14And there are a very small number
27:16of people who get caught in
27:18complicated grief where it becomes
27:20a pattern that they get caught in
27:23and have a hard time getting out of.
27:27These results are from.
27:29My doctoral work and also from a review
27:35of the existing literature on grief.
27:38So how do we work through grief as
27:41a part of post traumatic growth?
27:43For as you saw in Doctor Olson.
27:46A presentation that we
27:48we go through a process,
27:50a process when we face a certain
27:53traumatic event or circumstances
27:55and our emotions are at high levels
27:58and low levels at different points.
28:02At some point though,
28:04we have to deal with the reality of the
28:08loss and when we do that we go through grief.
28:13Grief is our normal human
28:15response to that loss,
28:16and how can we do it in a healthy way.
28:19So I've made a new monik that
28:22relies on my doctoral research.
28:25And the new monik.
28:27Is this the first thing to do is I
28:31just came back from Belize where
28:33I went with my son and one thing I
28:37I'll note and many people mentioned.
28:39One person in particular who's
28:41lived there 10 years but was from
28:43the United States is that that
28:46country and other countries are less
28:49individualistic than the United States.
28:51We tend to be very individualistic.
28:54We tend to try to want to.
28:56Nice things to try to do it alone.
29:00To try to be the giver and not the receiver,
29:04we try to be an ace.
29:06When really if you add an F to the ace,
29:09really what we need to do or what's
29:12helpful to do is to face the reality
29:15of the loss, the real emotions,
29:17the real effects, the emotional,
29:20spiritual, social, financial,
29:21physical, all those things.
29:23And to do it in community.
29:26Not to try to do it alone.
29:28But to do it with others,
29:30so that's really one of the first
29:33things about grief is can you do it?
29:36Not trying to do it alone as a
29:39sole individual. Can you do it?
29:41Not trying to be the so-called strong one.
29:45Four in grief,
29:47if I can use an analogy of a hurricane.
29:51You want in grief, not to be the oak tree.
29:55Which stands tall and strong many times,
29:58but in the hurricane gets knocked down.
30:00But you wanna be the palm tree?
30:03For the palm tree bends and
30:06moves in the storm.
30:08And with grief we need to do that as well,
30:11because as we said, grief comes in waves.
30:15So that's the first thing that you want to
30:18do when facing or when moving through grief,
30:21not to do it alone, not to be an ace,
30:24but to face the true reality
30:27of what you're experiencing.
30:29The second thing.
30:30Is a lot of times when we feel
30:34emotions that are difficult.
30:37We try to avoid them in different ways.
30:40Some of those are maladaptive ways.
30:43You know,
30:44perhaps by hiding our emotions by
30:47drinking a lot of wine after after
30:50work or or at different times.
30:52Or, you know sometimes that's OK,
30:55but sometimes that can become problematic.
30:59So we also try to avoid by
31:02binge watching on
31:03Netflix or by doing many things
31:05that will make us not think.
31:08About the difficulties
31:10that we're experiencing.
31:13Again, that can be a way in which
31:15we like and he'll try to slip away
31:18from the difficult aspects of grief
31:20rather than moving through it.
31:22And as Doctor Olson said,
31:24with the pandemic, we couldn't do that.
31:27With major traumatic experiences,
31:30we cannot avoid them.
31:32We need to move through them.
31:35And it's difficult to see others
31:38go through hard experiences.
31:40It's difficult to go through
31:43hard experiences,
31:44and yet we need to not be like the eel,
31:46but we need to feel supported.
31:50Not that we need to feel every emotion,
31:54but that we need to feel supported
31:58through the emotions of loss.
32:00So whatever that is that
32:02supports you to seek it out,
32:05whether that is the efr here or
32:08whether for employees or whether
32:10that's counseling or whether that is a
32:14friend who will listen to you really
32:17listen to you and walk with you.
32:20But to feel supported.
32:22Then in time in feeling supported through
32:25the loss as you walk through that loss,
32:29there is a relationship sized
32:31hole that comes with loss.
32:34So whatever or holes depending on the
32:36law says that a person experiences,
32:39so our loss of security,
32:41our loss of health,
32:43our loss of many other things.
32:45I've divided up what people came
32:47here about and A5 categories.
32:50People talked about secondary trauma.
32:53In compassion, fatigue, burnout.
32:55They talked about high alert mode.
32:57They talked about illness,
33:00chronic or otherwise.
33:02They talked about wanting to help
33:04others and talked about grief
33:06and rediscovery of self.
33:07So those are the five general
33:09categories that brought people
33:10here whatever they're grieving,
33:12whether it's divorce or or loss
33:15or death or whatever.
33:17And one of the things that we need
33:19to do is really look carefully and
33:21reflect carefully on how a loss
33:24might have affected us and where
33:26there may be a gap or a whole.
33:29We don't do this early in grief because
33:32it's too early to really do that.
33:34You need support early in grief,
33:36but in time you begin to notice that
33:38there is a hole and that is the vacuum
33:41in which post traumatic growth has an
33:44opportunity to thrive and to come about.
33:47In our lives because as we
33:50rebuild our lives as one would
33:52rebuild a town after a hurricane,
33:55nobody wishes that the hurricane would come.
33:58But when it does come,
33:59sometimes it's rebuilt.
34:01Better, newer,
34:02stronger than before,
34:05and so there is a opportunity,
34:07and that's what we're going to talk about.
34:08A little bit here a little bit more
34:11about what those opportunities
34:13might be for post traumatic
34:15growth in the midst of grief.
34:17And lastly,
34:18there's the idea of we we are
34:21well in grief when we've said
34:23farewell to the pain of grief,
34:26the bitter pain of grief,
34:28and we've been able to say
34:30goodbye to what cannot return.
34:32And what cannot be there any longer?
34:35We've adapted to the fact that we may
34:38never get out of that this pandemic,
34:41back to with the way things were we.
34:43There's a new normal that we embrace,
34:46but really, there's a way in which we need
34:49to be with the world or exist in the world.
34:53That means we are well.
34:55So after saying farewell,
34:56we want to make sure that we're
34:59in a position to be able to give.
35:03To be able to receive from others.
35:06Some autonomy, so if we really
35:09relied on the person or the thing,
35:11maybe it's health.
35:13Maybe it's amputation or leg, you know?
35:15Whatever it may be that we've lost
35:18to to come to a place where we can
35:21function without that which we've lost.
35:25Also community.
35:26When we are able to not just give or receive,
35:31giving puts you in the giving position.
35:34Receiving puts you in the receiving position.
35:36Neither of them are equal positions.
35:39Community is a peer to peer support.
35:43Having community and connection with people.
35:46When it's a mutual arrangement,
35:49it's not a a a situation in which you are
35:52always the giver or always the receiver.
35:55And then lastly expectation.
35:57When we have expectation again
36:00meaning hope or meaning,
36:02the ability to expect.
36:04That's something new might occur.
36:07Those are signs.
36:09In that new monik giving receiving
36:12autonomy Community expectation that we are,
36:15well, that grief doesn't end,
36:18but we are through the grief as
36:20much as we can be.
36:22And we've learned its lessons.
36:25So that is an example of grief and
36:27some of the things that we would
36:30want to look for in grieving.
36:35So we have a lot of great questions
36:37and why people have been here or
36:39why people have come and we have
36:41a wonderful opportunity to talk
36:43about those a little bit more.
36:47But we also have an opportunity to.
36:51Right in the chat.
36:53Some of the questions that are on the top
36:58row of what is on the presentation here.
37:01These are different aspects of when
37:04we're in the filling process of grief
37:07and as Doctor Olson had talked about
37:10in the process of reconstruction.
37:12The process of post traumatic growth.
37:15These are the domains that
37:18she talked about earlier.
37:20Development of deeper relationships.
37:22Openness to new possibilities,
37:24greater sense of strength,
37:25stronger sense of spirituality,
37:27greater appreciation.
37:28So those are some questions that
37:31you can answer in the chat.
37:34As we begin to to really look
37:37at some of the questions of of,
37:40you know why you're here.
37:41Maybe we can have an opportunity to
37:43answer and discuss Doctor Olson and I,
37:45and if you can put in the chat the chat.
37:48Different answers to those
37:49questions you know.
37:50How might you have changed this
37:55difficulty into a triumph or into a
37:59growth who have been role models for you?
38:03You know,
38:04have you discovered an experience bigger
38:08than yourself or new meaning through this?
38:11So those types of questions are listed here.
38:14If you would add them and to my colleague Dr.
38:17Cole doctor Olson.
38:19Yes, and I I want to thank the people who
38:23have been sharing what brought them here.
38:26One you have made yourself vulnerable
38:28in willingness to share and have
38:31been a role model to other people.
38:33And as I read through these,
38:35you know there are things that I identify
38:37with or others have identified with.
38:40And by just you offering that
38:42you are human and you are going
38:45through these things yourself,
38:48you have comforted someone else.
38:50Someone else who didn't feel like
38:52they could put themselves out
38:54there and now because you have
38:56shared you have made someone else
38:59feel more normal and less alone.
39:01And and then you you've brought
39:03us together as a community,
39:05and you've been a role model and already
39:08you are contributing to the healing
39:10of our community and other people.
39:13So I want to thank those who
39:16who were brave to share in this
39:18venue and to help us to do this.
39:24So let me just interject a quickly.
39:27Please use the question and answer format
39:30to to do that to Chapman Palladino
39:32ask you if you had some answers to
39:35some of those questions that you see
39:37there on the top row of that slide,
39:40there was a question that I wanted to
39:42pose to both at Chaplin Palladino.
39:45I think you were talking about
39:47grief and that many times people
39:50do not require therapy for.
39:55For certain grief kinds of events,
39:59but there was a question that said,
40:00are we meant to think we are not normal?
40:03If we do require therapy for grief.
40:06So yeah, so I I did.
40:08I thought it might address that a
40:10little bit because I was hearing you
40:13say that there's lots of different
40:14ways that we can get support from
40:16lots of different people and and
40:17build our support systems.
40:18Therapy may be one very helpful one.
40:21Yes, thank you I I can
40:24definitely answer that question.
40:25My my dad died several years ago.
40:30And I reached out to the efr.
40:34And I don't understand myself as
40:37being unusual or abnormal in any way.
40:41My grief response was normal.
40:44And the efr, which is an employee support
40:47system and not everybody has access to that,
40:51but it's therapeutic.
40:52And and it was a therapist that I went to.
40:54Why did I do that?
40:56I did that because I was
40:59noticing that I was crying a lot.
41:01I was getting waves of tears and I did that
41:04because in my line of work as a chaplain.
41:07I'm also an educator and I went to
41:10show my students I was Co leading a
41:13group and I went to show my students.
41:15How to do a visit and they were
41:17new students and they thought I'd,
41:19you know, did fine and everything.
41:20But I looked at the video tape of
41:23the actor I was working with and I
41:26said I avoided that person's grief.
41:29And it's because my dad.
41:32Died two weeks before.
41:35And I wanted to go to therapy
41:39because I needed to really look at
41:42my own loss so that I could then
41:45be with people who were grieving.
41:48So yes,
41:49grief is is absolutely a normal response.
41:53And yes,
41:53I myself have gone to therapy for
41:56grief and I consider myself to have a
41:59normal response to to the loss of my dad.
42:01So there's no nothing but encouragement.
42:06To utilize therapy,
42:08that being said.
42:10Sometimes people have pathologized
42:13grief and and so my comments
42:16are are meant to normalize grief
42:19as a normal human response.
42:22And if therapy can be a support
42:24to you as it was to me,
42:26then I would encourage you to go.
42:30And if you can find support in other ways,
42:34that is fine.
42:37And I I will double down on that.
42:39There is never anything wrong with
42:41taking care of your mental health,
42:43just as you would any other
42:46aspect of your health.
42:48If you are curious if it be helpful,
42:51you should feel comfortable to go and
42:54take care of your your whole self,
42:56including your mental health.
42:59Absolutely nothing wrong with tending
43:02to your well being and your mental
43:05health is is just as much a part of.
43:08Of all of your yourself and your
43:10well being as anything else.
43:14The part of my my comments to our reaction
43:18to a government report years ago,
43:22there was a grief, some grief work
43:25done in the 80s in Boston and it was.
43:31From that there was the belief that people
43:34in less they felt certain emotions,
43:36anger or or or sadness after loss that
43:39they needed to go to therapy and and
43:42people were being sort of pressured
43:45at that time I got a government
43:48report 'cause I had a a bereavement
43:50center that I started called healing
43:53hearts and that had thousands of
43:56people coming to it each year and a
43:59government report came out saying.
44:01It is now can be problematic if people
44:03get the message that there's something
44:06wrong with them or that they need to
44:09grieve in a particular kind of way,
44:12and so the encouragement not to pathologize
44:16grief is really coming from that place.
44:20But an equal encouragement should be stated
44:24that therapy should not be pathologized.
44:28It's a wonderful thing,
44:29and it's part of.
44:31Community that we all need,
44:34and particularly Americans,
44:35because we are so individualistic
44:38that we need people and therapy
44:41sometimes is the best way to get that.
44:46And there's a couple of comments also
44:49in the question answer supporting
44:52that and so thank you both for
44:55for clarifying and answering that.
44:57You know therapy and medication,
44:59which I have was never keen on,
45:01made a huge difference for me.
45:02So there is one right there and
45:05this is a great point I think nor
45:08normal in grief is very subjective.
45:11What is normal to me may not be
45:13normal to marry or to someone else.
45:15So great point there too now.
45:18Here's here's a.
45:19There's some great comments here.
45:21Doctor Olson and Chapman Palladino.
45:24I'm going to start with this one.
45:26You had asked, you know,
45:27what are some of the things.
45:29Some of the answers that you've
45:30come up with then,
45:31so this one has a number of things
45:34priority setting to put my family first.
45:39Much stronger than I thought,
45:41but also more vulnerable.
45:44That's kind of an interesting
45:47observation right there.
45:48Really put family values first,
45:50but also makes us a little
45:53bit more vulnerable,
45:54so any comments about that
45:57particular observation?
45:59Yeah, I think.
46:02I think being clear about your values.
46:05UM, sometimes does feel vulnerable
46:07because sometimes it can feel
46:10like it's you think it's up
46:12against someone elses values,
46:14but I think that's what these things can do.
46:17Going through these events can
46:19really clarify for us for ourselves,
46:22like what is our best life with our values?
46:24Where do we need to prioritize?
46:27That I think that's really important
46:29and that we support one another
46:31to live our best lives as we can.
46:33City can be very vulnerable to be open.
46:36Yep,
46:38we kind of feel a little bit
46:39like a fish out of water.
46:41It's a little wild getting used to that.
46:43Uhm? For sure also realigned
46:47choices with my values pushed a
46:50job change and return to school.
46:53How's that for a big positive change, right?
46:56Yes, yeah, yeah. Good for you.
46:59And I think that also brings up another
47:02point of what is this pandemic meant to
47:04our country and to us as healthcare and
47:07to our Community is that people with
47:10a great resignation in the country.
47:13People are thinking about their priorities
47:15and things are becoming. Clearer to them,
47:17and how do we grow as a community?
47:21You know to make this.
47:24The place for us.
47:26That that we're thriving here.
47:29Like what what are we being?
47:31What? How is this woken us up as a
47:34community to support one another?
47:38Just what we need these days, right? Yeah,
47:41absolutely I I am had something to
47:45to say but about the vulnerability.
47:49Thank you when when I did my my doctoral
47:53research it was on people in in Connecticut.
47:57And it was a qualitative study,
47:59so we we did a lot of in depth diving
48:02into people who've experienced post
48:06traumatic well traumatic experiences,
48:08particularly grief and one of the
48:11things that came out of that study,
48:13was the importance of vulnerability.
48:16That the surprising way in which to be
48:21vulnerable actually was indicative of post
48:25traumatic growth more than anything else.
48:28So there were a lot of things that could
48:31be said about resiliency or other factors.
48:35Other grief factors, whatever,
48:37but with regard to growth.
48:40Growth tends to occur when we
48:44allow ourselves in Community.
48:46Cluding therapy or including friends
48:49or whatever to be vulnerable.
48:51And so my encouragement to to everybody here,
48:55whether we want to help others more.
48:59Or we want to get past burnout?
49:03Or we want to, you know,
49:05deal with our own illness,
49:07whatever it may be, to,
49:09rather than run from vulnerability and
49:12community to actually run toward them.
49:16But to not do it alone because you need
49:18to find people who will listen to you.
49:22And when you help others,
49:24being a listener is the best
49:27thing you can do.
49:28So some of the questions talked
49:31about really wanting to be positive
49:33and seeing people get hope.
49:35The best thing you to do is just to listen.
49:38And if somebody is struggling not
49:41to give them any answers or try
49:44to give them something positive
49:46because we're uncomfortable with
49:48them feeling or struggling,
49:50but to just be an excellent listener,
49:52whether it's to be silent or to ask
49:54questions or just to walk alongside them,
49:57that is the best thing that you
49:59can do for anybody going through
50:01any of these experiences,
50:02and that's the best thing you can
50:04do for yourself. So vulnerability.
50:06I'm all for it, but it's not easy.
50:10It really validates ones experience
50:13to be heard and then understood.
50:17And and it's such a gift.
50:22Here's a here's another good
50:25one with some great suggestions.
50:27As ways to to grow out of this.
50:32The I feel a pandemic has given me
50:35the opportunity to take the very
50:37best care of myself like I have
50:39never done before. And she goes.
50:41A person goes on to say I'm connecting to
50:44others in deeper ways and have a strong
50:48connection to source consciousness.
50:50I also feel clarity with living my truth.
50:54I'm living my passion and purpose
50:56now in my life.
51:00I feel like I need to spend time
51:01with that person, maybe just rub
51:04off role modeling. Yes, yes.
51:08Here's a question that I want to pose
51:10to both. Since you know we're in our.
51:13Smilow community and and some people have
51:17mentioned going through some very difficult
51:21challenges with illnesses and cancer
51:24diagnosis and treatment and so forth.
51:27Wonder if you could talk to that a
51:30little bit in terms of. How can we?
51:34Do apply some of these concepts to
51:37either cancer or chronic illness.
51:39Getting through that very difficult.
51:42I'm. Stage in her life.
51:47I think one way is to for role models
51:52who who've been able to do this.
51:57You know, whatever the struggle we
51:58we've heard some of the struggles
52:00here and people have been through
52:03different unique struggles.
52:04Fertility struggles,
52:05all sorts of different struggles is.
52:08To find someone who.
52:12Who've been able to get through
52:14it and have shown that ability to
52:17navigate it and see what you can
52:19learn from them. That's one way.
52:24OK, thank you.
52:28Could you stop sharing there for a moment?
52:30Is that the end of the slides?
52:32That was the well, actually there is.
52:34There was one other slide.
52:36Now that I think about it.
52:37So maybe I should share that.
52:40And while you bring that up,
52:41there's another comment here
52:43that I think is a good to.
52:46To bring up, I think it's.
52:50It it shows a lot of openness and and
52:54honesty. Being caregiver for years and
52:57helping people with these problems and
52:59saying the right things to help them.
53:02But when I tell myself the same
53:05things that I know that should
53:07help me doesn't help me like.
53:10Do what I say, not as I do.
53:14So you know, I mean,
53:16I can relate to that, I think.
53:18Anybody in a caregiving position
53:20could probably relate to that.
53:22But any thoughts about?
53:25That observation,
53:26sometimes as caregivers we it's
53:28hard to take our own advice.
53:31Yes, absolutely.
53:33We're we're known for it.
53:36We are no health care.
53:40Workers, professionals,
53:41caregivers were known to put
53:45others 1st and to not give
53:47the same kind of compassion
53:49and care to ourselves.
53:53And definitely it's been shown
53:55that if we can offer ourselves
53:57the same compassion and to not.
54:01Beat ourselves up over and over
54:04again over the same thing or be
54:06so hard on ourselves where we'd
54:09otherwise be gentle with others.
54:11That it can help to relieve burnout.
54:16So that's a good observation,
54:18and we and I think it's a good
54:21one for caregivers and health
54:23care to think about that.
54:26Yes, thank you Doctor Olsen I I think
54:29just the awareness of it is a step in the
54:31right direction to be able to say yeah,
54:33I mean this is not working.
54:35My my advice is not working for me so.
54:39Not be hard on ourselves and then
54:41figure out what are the next.
54:42Best things for me to do
54:44to take care of myself?
54:46Maybe a different answer
54:47or a different solution.
54:49We sometimes think of healthcare as a
54:53calling and we will pour ourselves into it
54:56sometimes at the sacrifice to ourselves.
54:59But callings can have shadow sides too,
55:02and it's important to be aware of those
55:06shadow sides and to tend to yourself
55:09and care for yourself for the long
55:11run and service that you're calling.
55:16Yeah, for for me I I wonder to
55:20a lot of times in our best.
55:24Attempt to help others too.
55:26Sometimes we say things that we don't
55:30realize may not help another person too.
55:33I I yet the bereavement center over 10 years.
55:37I listened to many people who lost
55:40children who lost parents who lost
55:42a loved one and whoever they were,
55:46there was so many recurrence stories
55:48about lovely, well intentioned people
55:51who came to say just the right.
55:54Saying to help them and they didn't have
55:56the heart to tell them that it didn't help.
55:59That all those attempts to take the
56:03sorrow away couldn't couldn't work.
56:05Because the person was really
56:08struggling and just needed to move
56:11through that difficult emotion.
56:13And particularly around childbirth,
56:15I heard some stories that were
56:18not helpful people saying, well,
56:20you can have another child and things
56:22like that at the moment of the death,
56:24hoping to take the pain away
56:27but actually causing hurt.
56:29And so I would say that that we have to
56:32all watch out as caregivers because we
56:35have a tendency to want to take pain away.
56:38And and help people and to fix.
56:41And that's what maybe got us
56:43into this in the 1st place.
56:44But sometimes it it absolutely
56:46isn't the right way to go.
56:49And when people are in the midst of of hurt,
56:51and when we are in the midst of hurt,
56:54sometimes what we need to hear
56:56doesn't sound like a solution at all.
57:00It sounds more like empathy.
57:03Like that really stinks.
57:05And I'm here with you.
57:08And so it's more about connection with
57:11other people than it is about a solution.
57:14And so I would say that.
57:16I would encourage us all to
57:19notice the things that help,
57:20because sometimes the things
57:22that help are what help others.
57:24And and sometimes we're different.
57:27Sometimes what we would have
57:29done for others doesn't help us,
57:31and that's OK because we're different.
57:34And finding out those things as Bud
57:37said that help us are really important.
57:41But just remember that it's empathy.
57:43It's being with somebody that matters
57:46the most through loss that matters
57:49the most through trauma that help
57:52people be vulnerable and actually.
57:55Fine growth many times in the
57:58midst of trauma.
58:01And I think that sometimes in
58:03in settings like this too,
58:05you might not have the opportunity
58:07to really have the conversation
58:10you want to have so and nothing
58:12here is meant to be prescriptive,
58:15and that's why we also invite the
58:18wisdom of the community to share,
58:21because through that sharing we find out
58:23we're not alone and people have found
58:26different answers in different ways,
58:28and we got to tap into that and.
58:30And part of that is also getting rid
58:32of the stigma of mental health care
58:35and what it's like to be a human
58:37and to be able to be compassionate
58:40towards ourselves and one another.
58:44So that we have each other when
58:45we need when we need each other.
58:48Well, and here are a couple of
58:51good comments that that segue from
58:53that and also ask the audience
58:55if you have any other questions,
58:57please feel free to put them in their Q&A.
58:59I think we still have a few more minutes,
59:02but here's one learning that it is
59:05so hard to pour from an empty cup.
59:09Give love to yourself.
59:12So that whole idea of really making
59:15sure we we do put ourselves.
59:18Not first, but you know, we're not it's.
59:21It's not being self indulgent
59:23or selfish to to.
59:25Fill up that cup for ourselves.
59:28I don't want to burnout,
59:30we want to go the distance.
59:32Right or life.
59:33Almost every religion in the world,
59:35and whether somebody's religious or not,
59:37has a love your neighbor as yourself.
59:39Kind of a maxim.
59:41And we're we are our closest neighbor.
59:45And not to forget our closest neighbor.
59:49So here's another comment on the heels
59:52of that. I hope that in the future the
59:55pandemic will unite the entire world.
59:59And I guess that's up to us
01:00:02if we want that to come true.
01:00:04We have to make it come true. Yes.
01:00:08So folks in the audience,
01:00:10any other questions.
01:00:11And while you're if you want to chat,
01:00:15type that in, I'm I.
01:00:16I thought of something
01:00:18I've been thinking about.
01:00:19The question about having a a cancer
01:00:22diagnosis or something you know seriously,
01:00:24say, say, maybe you've had COVID
01:00:26and you've and you're you know
01:00:28one of the the long haulers.
01:00:29For example, it's it's.
01:00:32It's still affecting you in some ways.
01:00:35That must be awfully hard to think
01:00:37about post traumatic growth.
01:00:39Going through something like that.
01:00:42But does it make sense?
01:00:43And I'm going to ask you guys this question.
01:00:47If there's one area that it feels
01:00:49like we really can't grow from.
01:00:51I mean we're feeling stuck in our body.
01:00:54For example,
01:00:54there's a problem with everybody.
01:00:55Can we work on the emotional side,
01:00:57the spiritual side,
01:00:59the social support side is that.
01:01:01Are those ways that we can kind of.
01:01:04Balance the equation in a sense.
01:01:06Does that make sense to see what I'm saying?
01:01:10Yeah,
01:01:11I hear what you're saying.
01:01:12So in all those different domains of
01:01:14Wellness, there are still other aspects
01:01:17that may not be affected as much that
01:01:20could strengthen that we could strengthen.
01:01:23Two to help support. That part of us
01:01:27that feels weak at the time. Correct?
01:01:33I, I think that's makes sense to me.
01:01:36I have you used that, but when people
01:01:39visit you at the AP, have you seen?
01:01:44Well, we we certainly try I I
01:01:47don't do any direct one to one
01:01:50counseling myself, but we do.
01:01:51We do interact with a lot of
01:01:54folks within that setting that
01:01:56that are going through all kinds
01:01:58of struggles and I know I mean,
01:02:00one of the things that we've.
01:02:01And it's been touched on a couple
01:02:03times that we've found particularly
01:02:04helpful is to help people with
01:02:06that self compassion side of it.
01:02:08And a couple people have commented
01:02:10on that sometimes we are, you know,
01:02:12we're hardest on ourselves.
01:02:14And if we can learn to that,
01:02:16we're all in this together,
01:02:17we're all going through very
01:02:19similar struggles.
01:02:20We're not alone,
01:02:21but also to be kind to ourselves
01:02:23and make sure we do some things
01:02:25that that really fill up.
01:02:27Whatever cups need filling.
01:02:30You know, for as much of a of
01:02:34a net that you have if you.
01:02:36If you can strengthen all of
01:02:38those other different parts,
01:02:39and if you can create a mesh,
01:02:42a meshwork of of Wellness,
01:02:44a meshwork of of security that that
01:02:49definitely can bolster stabilize,
01:02:52and help you to move through?
01:02:56When there's a disturbance and
01:02:58and so something so profoundly in
01:03:00another part of your well being
01:03:03right. I like that we're thinking of, yeah.
01:03:06I I would say one of the most important
01:03:10things for me personally has has been trying
01:03:14to find venues where I can truly be myself.
01:03:19In all my humanity, So what that means is
01:03:24I'm not trying to put any kind of face on.
01:03:27I'm not. I'm not trying to look good.
01:03:30You know, I'm I'm just myself.
01:03:33And if you can do that with people through
01:03:36the pandemic and just say you know what
01:03:40I'm exhausted because I've been exhausted.
01:03:42You know chaplains have
01:03:43been in the midst of it.
01:03:44As many caregivers have people who are
01:03:47struggling with illness are in the
01:03:50midst of it, and you get exhausted.
01:03:53And but it's OK to be human.
01:03:57It's OK to be exhausted.
01:03:58It's OK to not feel good.
01:04:01And to do that with other people is the key.
01:04:05And whether that's in a context
01:04:08like therapy or with a rabbi,
01:04:11a pastor, a friend, you know it,
01:04:15it it almost matters more
01:04:17that you can be yourself.
01:04:20Then it matters the venue,
01:04:21though some venues are better
01:04:24than others in certain cases.
01:04:26So I would encourage you if
01:04:28you're feeling exhausted.
01:04:29If you're struggling to find those
01:04:31people who you can be yourself with,
01:04:34and you can be exhausted and
01:04:36you can share all of that.
01:04:37And in all of its truth.
01:04:39And actually what I found for
01:04:41myself that when I do that and
01:04:43when I feel that or I even I weep
01:04:46about that or whatever it is,
01:04:47I feel so much better.
01:04:49You know,
01:04:50and and I actually get strength
01:04:52and I begin to reconnect with
01:04:54my calling and my sense of why
01:04:56I do this in the first place.
01:04:58You know,
01:04:59like rather than just feeling exhausted,
01:05:02I start to feel like you know what
01:05:04I've just shared with somebody that
01:05:06this is really hard and why I do this
01:05:08and I really feel invigorated now.
01:05:10And I can go at it again and
01:05:13I can do it again.
01:05:14So my main point or hope hope for
01:05:18all of us would be to to be real
01:05:21and to be with people through this
01:05:24and that's the greatest potential
01:05:26to get through illness.
01:05:28To get through anything that we need to
01:05:31go through and not to try to be strong.
01:05:34You know,
01:05:35in the face of others,
01:05:36but to actually be real.
01:05:39Yeah, I'm I'm definitely grateful
01:05:41for those who have noticed in me
01:05:44and shared something of themselves
01:05:46or just shared of themselves
01:05:48what they were going through.
01:05:50And then I was like, wow, that's right,
01:05:52that's exactly how I feel too.
01:05:55And it's such a profound thing
01:05:57when someone shares something with
01:05:59you and you're suddenly not alone
01:06:02and you're suddenly validated in
01:06:04it and you're suddenly you know,
01:06:07seen and heard and connected.
01:06:11So if if anybody has,
01:06:13it sees an opportunity to be
01:06:15that for someone, it's profound.
01:06:19And getting connected to one source
01:06:22of meaning, whatever that is,
01:06:24you know for some people that's
01:06:26more religious, but other people it
01:06:28could be art or nature or whatever,
01:06:31but whatever it is that brings
01:06:33a sense of purpose,
01:06:34meaning and connectedness to you.
01:06:36Through these difficult experiences,
01:06:38those are very, very important.
01:06:41So if you're facing a new cancer diagnosis
01:06:44or chronic illness or whatever it is finding.
01:06:48Whatever that is larger than you,
01:06:51what what you truly believe is critical.
01:06:55Because you can't do it alone and
01:06:58people are important and also something
01:07:01larger than people is important.
01:07:03Whatever that is for you.
01:07:07I also see the opportunity here while we have
01:07:11our audience here from our community is.
01:07:14In the this coming week,
01:07:17you know the March 4th through 11th
01:07:20we're having a week where it's about.
01:07:24Being seen, heard and valued,
01:07:26we call it weak of gratitude,
01:07:28but it's going to be about
01:07:29listening to one another.
01:07:31Being out there and seeing
01:07:32and hearing one another.
01:07:34And and anybody can do that
01:07:37for the people around them.
01:07:40And it will really provide that kind
01:07:43of mesh work like you're talking about,
01:07:45but that kind of network that keeps us.
01:07:49Feeling more secure and valued.
01:07:54Absolutely.
01:07:57Gratitude will definitely help us all,
01:08:00and I love that idea of it's
01:08:02not just the one level thing
01:08:04to the other level, you know.
01:08:06Thank you for what you do,
01:08:08but it's everybody you know.
01:08:09We have our coworkers.
01:08:11We have, you know, we have all the people
01:08:14that we interact with on a daily basis so.
01:08:19Totally, here's one last comment and
01:08:22I'll give one last call if there's
01:08:24any last questions or comments,
01:08:26but this one is is is excellent.
01:08:30I totally agree that we need to
01:08:32practice and honor our humanness.
01:08:34I believe that when we all begin to
01:08:37be vulnerable with our humanity is
01:08:39the key to peace and heaven on Earth.
01:08:44Yes, well said.
01:08:47So if there are there any other
01:08:49comments or questions from the
01:08:50audience and I don't know.
01:08:51Chaplain Palladino and Doctor Olson.
01:08:54If you have any final wrap up.
01:08:57Comments. But it doesn't look
01:09:00like there's anything right at the
01:09:02moment in the question and answer
01:09:05well. I want to come.
01:09:07I want to say it's great I I wish
01:09:10that I could have seen everybody
01:09:12but it's I feel the humanist I
01:09:14feel from the shares that have been
01:09:17given here that we came here as a
01:09:20community we shared as a community.
01:09:23The wisdom is in the community,
01:09:25and the wisdom is in our humanness
01:09:29and and all that we share together,
01:09:31because we've all had different
01:09:33experiences and are different
01:09:35places in our experiences,
01:09:36and have something to offer one another.
01:09:39So I want to thank this community
01:09:42for being here and and being human.
01:09:47Yeah, thank you I I.
01:09:50Really appreciate it as well,
01:09:51and I also feel the desire to
01:09:53just be with all of you you know.
01:09:56And and I know that you're not,
01:09:57you're you're not,
01:09:58you know, through zoom,
01:10:00it's it's harder to do that.
01:10:02But I'm just so grateful that you've come.
01:10:05I would like to end.
01:10:08You know, in 1980,
01:10:11ninety four Mother Teresa said something
01:10:14to me that I think really applies to
01:10:17to what we experience as human beings.
01:10:20And I had been working with people
01:10:23with leprosy and so when I explained
01:10:26to her my goals or my hopes,
01:10:28she said, you know,
01:10:30there is a leprosy in the West.
01:10:34And I call it loneliness.
01:10:37She says I want you to look around
01:10:40in Calcutta where we were at the
01:10:43time and we were looking down on a
01:10:46off of a balcony and she said I want
01:10:49you to look at all those people in
01:10:51that particular area where there was
01:10:53a lot of poverty and she says point
01:10:56out the people who don't have a smile.
01:10:58And I was shocked.
01:11:00I looked down and people were laughing.
01:11:03And smiling, and we're very poor.
01:11:08And she said,
01:11:09I have people coming from all over the world,
01:11:12and the richer country they come from,
01:11:15and the more freedom they have.
01:11:17The more sometimes they're
01:11:20separated from others.
01:11:21And she said the leprosy
01:11:23of the West is loneliness.
01:11:26And she said, we have sisters in Connecticut.
01:11:31And those sisters struggle more.
01:11:33With people who are shut into
01:11:36their houses and have no love.
01:11:38Then people who can't be fed.
01:11:43And so my encouragement based
01:11:46on what she said.
01:11:47Is that?
01:11:49We find that we can grow and
01:11:53thrive when we're not alone,
01:11:56and we're not trying to do it alone.
01:11:59And we're not trying to do it as autonomous.
01:12:03You know individuals that try to pull
01:12:05ourselves up by our own bootstraps.
01:12:08And that really is something
01:12:10that does not lead to to growth.
01:12:13But actually growth comes when we
01:12:17seek out others who can hear us,
01:12:20and we're part of a community and
01:12:22we can learn and grow and thrive.
01:12:25So my hope for all of us here
01:12:28myself and everyone else is that we
01:12:30not live in that kind of poverty
01:12:33but actually live in the riches.
01:12:35Of not being alone and not being
01:12:38lonely but being connected.
01:12:42And that's what I have to end with.
01:12:48Chaplain Paladino thank you very
01:12:50much for those closing words.
01:12:52Very touching Doctor Olson.
01:12:55Also, thank you for your wonderful
01:12:58insights and your knowledge.
01:12:59Both of you did a fantastic job and we
01:13:02all thank you very very much. And we.